OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
