i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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