One girl and one boy is just not enough.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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