His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
