When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
