It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
