if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
