Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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