Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
