i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
