There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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