Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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