Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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