Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
