I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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