Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
