Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
