i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
