if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
