if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
