he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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