is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
