i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
