I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
