i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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