I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
