Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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