I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
