My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
