my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
