What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
