She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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