Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize