It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize