Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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