well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
