I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
