either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
