If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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