I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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