So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
