yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
