i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just had sex on a roof
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
