I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He felt like a one man threesome
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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