Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
