Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
