oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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