my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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