In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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