sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
