Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
