I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize