So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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