she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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