I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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