Screwed.edu
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
