addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When are your genitals available?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
