glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
a search helicopter?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
