Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
