Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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