He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
