Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We got so high we made milksteak
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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