yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
